Today I was walking through my house to get to the back porch to feed my dogs. My greyhound was so excited at the possibility of food, she shoved her nose up my butt to hurry me along. She’s done this before. It works. Cold nose in my butt, I move more quickly to escape the nose in my butt. Dog wins.
And the one, having failed to express anything for thinking the other not interested, causes the other to think the same and therefore to leave.
Hold your cards close. Show your hand. Show one card. Show two. There seems to be no only answer. But how much fails to start for the lack in deciding which is the proper course of action? How many have stumbled because all of us concern ourselves with wondering what the other is thinking rather than simply asking? It is because even the simple asking can be a showing of our own cards, thus compromising our position. I hate the gamesmanship of it, yet it is there, and it is required when there is more than one and there is no way around it.
I don’t know much, but I know I cannot live here much longer. I have to go somewhere where it is sunny more than it is in this place. The summers are beautiful, but they are too short-lived. It rained most of August this year. And the other ten months…ouch. The grey and the mold depresses and dampens me. I turn into another person. I need the sun. I need to see light. I have rarely needed air conditioning. I have been my best on the hottest days. Everyone else is complaining and I’m soaking it up. I get cold in the air-conditioned buildings and go sit in my car with the windows up on those hottest days, warming my bones, heating up my core.
The sun is out today and it is telling me something. It is saying get out of that cold and damp. Come be with me somewhere warm most of the time.
I can write anywhere. I can’t survive here. I have little doubt that if I do not leave this place I will die sooner rather than later. I may have a physcial body moving around, but it will be spiritless.