There’s a shooter at the fair we are hiding.

Do you want to go to the rolling rock show Aug 14? Who is hiding?

They were spotted on the other side of the barn.

Wait. What the fuck? 

What the fuck?

Alice and I

There is a shooting


Horses are unphased (sic)

Whatarehorses okay?

Are the horses safe?

They are not going for horses

they are going for people.

Are you okay?

Can you get out?

The security just came through and said stay put.


Is there a curtain?

We are literally under mystic.

Only on one side.

Is your phone silent?

Make your phone silent.


Can you hear shots?

I didn’t, but a lot of people did.

How did you know to hide?

Are you okay?

I’m scared. For you and the horses.

We heard an announcement.

Are they near the horse barns or the other side of the fair?

Do you have a curtain?

You said Jasmine’s mom was putting up more curtains.

We didn’t get the curtains.

Idk what happened.

Is the shooter far away?

Or in the barn?

Can you hear anything?

No, they are literally on the other end of the barn.

Horse barn?

Crap. Please be silent.

Oh I hope the horses are okay.

They said we can calm down, they have a police line up, but to stay in the barn cover area

Police line up?

Argument in the RV park. Shots fired. It’s contained. We’re alright.

Oh good.

Thank goodness.

Horses all ok?


This is the scariest thing ever!

Being here and hearing this happen to you!


Everything is ok

Fucking psycho people

Horses are totally fine. We were probably in the best possible place for this.

How to scare the pee out of your mom in five seconds flat.


Not your fault

Shooter has been removed. All clear


Are you out now?

Can I call you?


This happened today. I hear a bing on my phone and this is how the conversation went. We sent the first two texts nearly simultaneously. Dissociation began nearly immediately. This is happening? This isn’t happening. This is happening? Asking myself this while texting Milla as she crouched in a stall at the fair where she was showing two of our horses.

I called my sister and couldn’t speak, then finally spoke. “There is a shooting at the Lane County Fair. Milla is there. She is hiding.” Melanie immediately began praying. It was surreal to me. Again out of body observing, separate. Fear in my chest. Tightness. “Will let you know what is happening. I’ll call you back.”

The first text was at 4:04. The last at 4:37. It felt faster and slower than this at the same time.

I pictured a man with a gun, an assault rifle. I saw his silhouette in the aisle of the barn. He was walking and looking side to side deciding who will live and who will be shot. The thought of him walking by the horses…what if he shot them too? What if he looked into the stall with Milla crouching under a horse and decided to aim the gun there? No wonder I was so fixated on curtains.

I didn’t see a face, just that silhouette.

Afterward and after we talked, I felt like my head was tethered to my body by a rope for another two hours. I had to ground and get back in my body. I had to observe from inside rather than outside. It was the strangest thing. My child was okay. My horses were okay. The other people and horses were okay.

Gradually the story came out about two angry men fighting and shooting at one another. One shot in the arm. Both in the hospital. Not someone out to shoot everyone at the fair. Milla said people came running into the barn, screaming about a shooter, trying to find places to hide. Not as bad as it could have been, just two angry men with tempers out of control fighting, scaring a lot of people because of their rage. A hot day, probably alcohol, out of control. Not a shooter out to maim. But we didn’t know this when it was happening. I didn’t know it on the other end of the phone. It was scary and surreal. Now I can’t sleep.

Milla sent me a photo of her sitting under the horse Mystic during this. Mystic was calm, unaware of the bizarre events taking place around her. She wasn’t fazed by being in a tack stall with a dog kennel and a bunch of saddles. She stood there patiently, trusting the humans. Our horses were across the aisle in their stalls.

They aren’t going for the horses, they’re going for the people.

Well, there’s that.

Hiding in a tack stall with a horse, waiting for the all clear on a shooter at the fair.

Eugene Police Department
Update at 5:46 pm 7-24-2021

One person was shot, not two. The injured person was shot in the arm and is being treated at a local hospital. All involved parties are accounted for and there is no ongoing threat to the public.

Update: 5:30 pm
The Lane County Fair is still open but there is a roped-off crime scene. Please avoid that location and cooperate with police and investigators on site.

Previous Info:
911 was called regarding shots fired at the Lane County Fairgrounds. Eugene Police responded and two people are in custody. Two others have what appear to be non-life threatening injuries. The investigation is ongoing.


Sixteen years ago today this angel left, her spirit flying off to shine in other worlds. She has been gone many more years than she was here. The time I had with her feels so short now. Yet despite this brevity, she was such a quintessential part of my time in this world that I can’t reflect on my life without considering her time in it. I no longer grieve her loss every day, but I do think of her often, and I miss her. I know I have forgotten more than I remember. I wish she had lived when video cameras were ubiquitous so that I could bathe in those everyday moments that are so common, yet seem to be the first to leave our memories.

Autumn, you brought me joy. You gave my life direction and focus. You made me want to be better than my upbringing. I’m finally at a place where the thought of your death doesn’t bring me to tears, and thoughts of your life still bring a smile. I will never forget you. You were so beautiful, inside and out.

I love you. I miss you, always.

2021 is not 2013

This blog. I had these old posts on another page. I wanted to move them to the main page so my daughter could use the old page so I did and then it sent out emails of posts added. I doubt anyone noticed they were from 2013. A lot of what is said on them doesn’t apply anymore, although some of it has gotten worse, such as the post worrying about humans driving the planet over a cliff. That one applies. My little Ferdinand has graduated from college with three degrees on a full ride scholarship. I’m not terribly concerned she wasn’t an overachiever. and I don’t have time for a boyfriend, or the desire to put up with one. This blog has served in some respect as a diary of time passing. Random thoughts, indeed. For a long time it didn’t seem like things changed, but now some things have changed and I’m glad for the changes.

In any case, if any reader happened to get a multitude of posts from me today, all of them but this one are over 8 years old, just so you know.