I’m trying not to be grouchy. I’m trying not to react to a coworker who, in his own fear spiral, lashed out at me yesterday. I’m trying not to scream at the workers next door who decided to vibrate my house this morning at 7:15 a.m. with their power tools. I’m trying. It’s not working so well. I lay in bed this morning thinking of all sorts of responses to the coworker. I even began drafting an email in my head, but I reminded myself that I did not want to get sucked into his thing. Still not satisfying. I asked the workers next door to close the windows to the house so that it wasn’t so obnoxiously loud, and they did. Now I can hear the noise, but it isn’t vibrating my house. My little one is next door playing in her bedroom, talking to her toys. This squelches some of the grumpiness. Mainly it’s just this damn grey weather. We had sun for a few days and I started feeling normal again, but then the last two days, we have this droopy, cloud on the ground, grey colorlessness, and my bitterness returns. For someone of Scandinavian descent, I certainly don’t manage winter well. I have often wondered whether humans were meant to live in such weather. If we evolved in the deserts of Africa, maybe our brains are designed for that sort of light. Of course at that time we also moved an average of 12 miles per day, on our own legs. Now it’s lucky if we move 1000 feet in one day on our own legs. Bipedal sun brains. Anyway, the grouchy isn’t completely gone; it’s beaten back for a while. Baby is coming to see me. That should help.
Ever gone walking around in the snow only to come home with weird white goo on your shoes? The white goo is salt deposits. Salt is poured on snow and ice to melt it so people don’t slip. But it makes kind of an ugly mess on shoes that will not dissolve when wiped with a rag dipped in plain water. The way to remove these stains is to dip a cotton ball or Q-tip in vinegar and then to wipe the spot clean. Q-tips are nice because you can get down into the cracks where the sole meets the shoe. Cotton balls are nice for the top where they provide more coverage.
A product that works really well for leather is Horseman’s One Step. It is marketed to riders who use it on tack. It cleans and conditions at the same time, a necessity when leathers are out in the weather, getting wet and dirty. Pure oils make leather slippery and are really unnecessary more than once or twice a year. Lexol is good too, but it doesn’t clean unless you buy the cleaner separately. One Step does both. I used to clean dozens of saddles and bridles daily and One Step was my favorite. I highly recommend it. And I did not get paid to say this. I wish! After cleaning your shoes of salt, a quick swipe with the One Step makes the leather clean and supple again, ready to head out into wet, winter weather.
I don’t know much, but I know I cannot live here much longer. I have to go somewhere where it is sunny more than it is in this place. The summers are beautiful, but they are too short-lived. It rained most of August this year. And the other ten months…ouch. The grey and the mold depresses and dampens me. I turn into another person. I need the sun. I need to see light. I have rarely needed air conditioning. I have been my best on the hottest days. Everyone else is complaining and I’m soaking it up. I get cold in the air-conditioned buildings and go sit in my car with the windows up on those hottest days, warming my bones, heating up my core.
The sun is out today and it is telling me something. It is saying get out of that cold and damp. Come be with me somewhere warm most of the time.
I can write anywhere. I can’t survive here. I have little doubt that if I do not leave this place I will die sooner rather than later. I may have a physcial body moving around, but it will be spiritless.