I don’t have a television, so I can’t watch the local news. It’s unfortunate. I miss out, I’m sure. I have little doubt that today I’m missing out on the STORM OF THE CENTURY!! There are pitiful snowflakes mixed with rain coming down in Portland. It’s barely at freezing and there isn’t enough precipitation to create any snow of any substance, but I’ll bet anything the local news stations have camped out at the highest elevations, looking for that razor thin layer of snow to indicate it’s sticking and a tiny flurry of flakes in order to justify standing outside in their perfectly matched snow bunny outfits to warn us all about the STORM OF THE CENTURY!! They probably also found some moron who drove too fast on a curve and whacked into a tree to warn us just how “dangerous it is out there, Bob, and back to you.” And back at the station, “Yes, be very careful. This storm will cause very dangerous conditions. Very dangerous. The world is full of danger. Watch out. Don’t go out.” It must be thrilling for the local newscasters to live in a state where snow is a major news item. They’d poop their drawers if anything ever really did happen. I guess they would be prepared.
I have finished two chapters in two days, but now I have to work at the job that makes me money. I don’t want to. I’m burned out. I took a small break, but I think I need a vacation where I leave the continent. We are planning one of those, but it will not arrive soon enough. There are other things happening in the meantime that I look forward to. I just need to keep plugging away at the day job until I get over the funk. It will happen; it has before.
Isabel has taken to letting her dollies nurse on her, or nurse on me before she nurses. She is very generous, that one.
I have also been working on the second book at the same time as the first. Both are right there, in my brain, so when I want to work on one, I start typing and out it comes. The problem is that I want to finish both and there isn’t enough time in the day. But it will happen. I’m glad enough for the work that is coming.
Milla is getting taller and growing things like breasts. She complained about the bra I bought her so I just bought her some bigger ones. As has been the case since she was tiny she likes her clothing five sizes too big. I have to say that I prefer that to the opposite alternative.
Our next door neighbor is moving away. Ours has not been a cordial acquaintance. Mostly it hasn’t been an acquaintance at all, but what contact there has been has been unfriendly. She does not seem to like us, and we really don’t like her in return. We have vowed to take a pie to the new tenant, hoping that a beginning kindness will at least give rise to the possibility of a friendly acquaintance. We shall see. I am glad, though, that the neighbor who does not like us is leaving.
It is sunnyish today, which is an improvement over downpours. I’m glad that it is not brightly sunny or I would lament leaving work until the last day. As it is, I will get it done without grumbling that I’m doing it in exchange for good weather.
It’s raining again today, but it was sunny for three days in a row even though they said it would only be one, and I got to wear shorts yesterday it was so warm, so I can’t complain about rain today.
Apple took away my brand new MacBook Pro. I have to say, my apple products are on the shit list right now. I bought a new MacBook Pro. Immediately upon bringing it home it started having this issue where the screen would not light up when I opened it. It did not happen every time I opened the computer, but a lot of the time. I figured it was brand new and should not do this so I exchanged it for another one. What a mistake. The new one had the same issue, only it happened every single time I opened the computer, and it was difficult to get it to come on. So I called Apple. They said it was a “known issue” and told me some key fix while turning it on. It didn’t fix it. Every morning I have a tiny window in which to write before my baby wakes up. I spend most of that tiny window trying to make the computer wake up, so the other day, in complete frustration, I called Apple again about this issue. During the conversation with the Apple support representative, my ear touched my iPhone and hung it up. Ears aren’t supposed to hang up iPhones. I tell you, at that moment, Apple was at the height of the shit list and I was mad as hell. While on hold during my call back, the guy I had been talking to called me again. He apparently used my serial number to get back to me, which is a good thing because it was the only information I had given him before the call hung up. We spent the next half an hour working through a bunch of repair things behind the scenes in the guts of the computer’s programming.
Didn’t work. Yesterday I opened up the computer and the damn thing would not come on no matter what I did. Here I have been touting Apple products to anyone who will listen and I am having all these issues, although I can say I am typing this on my 3-year-old MacBook that still works just fine. I just wanted a computer with more space and RAM, which is why I bought the Pro. Maybe I shouldn’t have.
Anyway. In frustration, I made a Genius Bar appointment between court and my next client. I took it in there and left it with them. Of course the piece of shit opened up and worked just fine in front of the Genius Bar guy so I looked like a hysterical female. However, he looked at some history thingy in the guts and saw something that backed up my story, and agreed that they would do some tests and get back to me. They had not gotten back to me yet by late afternoon yesterday so I called, and they said it would not be ready until today. They said they “had not finished looking into the problem,” which means “We have not gotten to your computer yet.” Duh, I’m not dumb.
My small writing window is rapidly closing here. Isabel woke me up today, but she has been running around and is now eating the pancakes Milla decided to make for breakfast before school (I wonder who will do THOSE dishes?). It will not be long before I am the only person in the world with whom my baby would like to interact and there are other writing things I need to do that are more important than cheering the sun or complaining about computers.
Would I feel any differently this morning if it were sunny and nice instead of rainy and crappy? Oregon was rainy and shitty the entire time we were there until the last day. It had been sunny until the day before we arrived. Now it is sunny again since we have left. It was pouring in NY the day we left and the days up until we left. It is pouring now. Am I going to get any summer anywhere?
It is difficult for me to discern whether the weather has an impact on my mood when the weather rarely changes from shit. We have had a handful of sunny days since January, and I remember feeling optimistic on those days. Hawaii was a boring place to live, but it was so sunny and nice most of the time. I rarely felt down like I do here most of the time. But of course, hormones could be playing a part as well, and the constant wondering what each day will bring in my relationship. I used to bounce back pretty easily after an argument with the boyfriend, but not really anymore. Now I just wonder when the next one will come. I can just hear all the preachers out there who will comment and tell me just to leave him, but I would like to ask them how they would like to be single and pregnant in a city with no friends. It is so easy to armchair quarterback, especially someone else’s relationship. And then of course there is this weather, this abominable, interminable, shitty-ass weather. I wish to fuck it would get sunny already.
Wyoming was scary. By the time we got to it, we had experienced two of our near death rocks in the truck and were fairly terrified. We decided we would stop in Rock Springs, then head out early the next day to reach Colorado and Milla in Boulder. When we woke up on the morning of January 9, we were greeted with an unexpected surprise: snow! The weather reports had all predicted temperatures in the 40’s. Unfortunately this forecast changed while were sleeping. The storm was a surprise to many and left many traffic accidents in its wake. A couple of the photos are of trucks we saw crashed on the side of the road. We had another truck rock in Wyoming and the final one we experienced on the trip as we headed south into Colorado. Needless to say, we were nervous wrecks upon our arrival there!
Ever gone walking around in the snow only to come home with weird white goo on your shoes? The white goo is salt deposits. Salt is poured on snow and ice to melt it so people don’t slip. But it makes kind of an ugly mess on shoes that will not dissolve when wiped with a rag dipped in plain water. The way to remove these stains is to dip a cotton ball or Q-tip in vinegar and then to wipe the spot clean. Q-tips are nice because you can get down into the cracks where the sole meets the shoe. Cotton balls are nice for the top where they provide more coverage.
A product that works really well for leather is Horseman’s One Step. It is marketed to riders who use it on tack. It cleans and conditions at the same time, a necessity when leathers are out in the weather, getting wet and dirty. Pure oils make leather slippery and are really unnecessary more than once or twice a year. Lexol is good too, but it doesn’t clean unless you buy the cleaner separately. One Step does both. I used to clean dozens of saddles and bridles daily and One Step was my favorite. I highly recommend it. And I did not get paid to say this. I wish! After cleaning your shoes of salt, a quick swipe with the One Step makes the leather clean and supple again, ready to head out into wet, winter weather.
I’m learning how to be. I’m seem always to be failing at it. Maybe I need to change my standards. I don’t know.
Last night was infiinitely better than yesterday. I finally opened my mouth to the man I love and once we started speaking, things were better. I find it odd to have roles reversed for me in this relationship. In the past I was the one prodding and speaking and working to make the other say something. I have now become the one who clams up. Weird, this.
We cleaned the house and decorated for Christmas last night. Then we wrapped too many gifts. The gifts are small, but we have quite a few of them to hand out so there was a lot to wrap. It’s satisfying that it is done.
Portland is buried in snow. The city does nothing when it snows like this. I find it completely frustrating. I just left Boulder, Colorado, where it snows like this all the time. The city plows the roads, puts down gravel, and gets on with it. Portland just turns stupid. We went to the mall today with a friend. While there a customer service person at Ross accosted us upon walking in the door, WE’RE CLOSING! We’re closing in TWO MINUTES!! He was frantic. This was four hours before the store was scheduled to close. God forbid anyone is open past dark. None of the stores salt or gravel their walks. It’s slick, but not unmanageable. I don’t get it. People keep saying it is because no one here is used to it. I say that argument is bunk. People are from everywhere these days. We drive in rain in Oregon; we can drive in snow if we so desire. It would help a lot if the city actually did something productive like scrape and sand more roads, but to stop everything is ridiculous. We did not even get mail today.
I have a wretched bladder infection. Can you believe tha when I called my doctor. The office was closed…of course, it’s snowing! Who goes to the doctor in the snow? Foolish me to expect otherwise. So the message at the office claimed it would forward me to the answering service. Guess what? The answering service never answered. I called and called. No answer. I guess it’s too hard to answer the phone in the snow too. Let’s hope it isn’t true that the climate is changing so drastically that snow will be a norm here. If so, Portland might disappear considering no one can function when it snows here.
So today we are comfortably ensconced in our warm house. I am grateful for the warmth in our home. We are packing and getting ready for our big trip across country. I’m kind of scared, but excited too. It’s a big step. I hope our apartment works out. It’s big by apartment standards, but so small in many ways. The kitchen is wretchedly small. There isn’t even a counter. We’re going to have to create our own. Anyway, it feels better when I consider the prospect with Boyfriend, but I’m still sort of freaking out about fitting it all in and wanting to get the goods at Ikea to make it all fit. We don’t have a lot of extra cash lying around. Certain things simply will not work without Ikea to help us. Yikes. We’ll work it out. I will definitely be glad when we are on the other side of the move and have actually had to do it rather than just think about it. Soon enough. For now, Christmas awaits. Santa is coming to see Milla. The tree is up. Snow is falling. It should be lovely.