Would I feel any differently this morning if it were sunny and nice instead of rainy and crappy? Oregon was rainy and shitty the entire time we were there until the last day. It had been sunny until the day before we arrived. Now it is sunny again since we have left. It was pouring in NY the day we left and the days up until we left. It is pouring now. Am I going to get any summer anywhere?
It is difficult for me to discern whether the weather has an impact on my mood when the weather rarely changes from shit. We have had a handful of sunny days since January, and I remember feeling optimistic on those days. Hawaii was a boring place to live, but it was so sunny and nice most of the time. I rarely felt down like I do here most of the time. But of course, hormones could be playing a part as well, and the constant wondering what each day will bring in my relationship. I used to bounce back pretty easily after an argument with the boyfriend, but not really anymore. Now I just wonder when the next one will come. I can just hear all the preachers out there who will comment and tell me just to leave him, but I would like to ask them how they would like to be single and pregnant in a city with no friends. It is so easy to armchair quarterback, especially someone else’s relationship. And then of course there is this weather, this abominable, interminable, shitty-ass weather. I wish to fuck it would get sunny already.