Take Your Version of Commitment and Shove It

I got this comment on my post about television from some woman named Kristin who appears to think she is part of the morality police.  She thinks my not being married causes my daughter more damage than allowing her to watch television.  Riiiight…I am so damaging my daughter because I have actively chosen not to partake in an institution based originally in the ownership of women (I was married once, but we did it because the government would give my partner financial aid if he was married and would not if he wasn’t.  Government likes marriage too)?  I am worse because I do not follow her version of morality?  All I can say is, it is nice for you Miss, that you can cut the world so neatly into black and white little boxes.  Bad people don’t get married.  Good people do.  Where does television fit into this exactly?  You’re probably one of those people who wanted to keep their children from watching television, but realized it was such a great babysitter, you found excuses to allow it and now you are jealous because I have managed to keep it out of my home when you weren’t able to.  Sour grapes to you, Sour Puss.

I have made the choice not to be married rather than allowing people like you to dictate my morality.  There are many reasons for this, chief among them the lack of necessity of having my relationship sanctioned by bigots like you.  In addition, I refer again to my refusal to take part in an institution that was created by men to improve the likelihood the children to whom they passed their worldly possessions at death were in fact their children.  Women were property and religions sanctioned it.  I am not interested.

I also gather from your nasty comment about the child in my belly that you think I am a big, bad person for having sex (GASP!) before having a religion or the government sanction my relationship.  Guess what, Chica?  This is my body.  It does not belong to the government or to any religious organization.  If I want to have sex without a marriage certificate, I will!  I am fully apprised of the risks and benefits in doing so and take action with full awareness of the consequences, including pregnancy.

So take your little version of morality and keep it to yourself.  I don’t need for you to read my blog.  If you don’t like what I have to say, go somewhere else.  No one asked you for your judgmental bullshit, least of all me.

Television is So Dumb

My daughter spent 4 1/2 months living with her father this last winter and spring.  In our house, she does not watch television and movies are limited, nor does she play idiot, I mean video games, or ever listen to music on headphones.  (She is a Waldorf student, after all, and I have followed these teachings as closely as possible.)  At Dad’s house, she was given a television in her room.  He let her play video games and bury her brain in headphones listening to true corporate crap. The differences since she spent those four months watching the stupid box are enormous.  She was  sold on corporate culture, began to believe most advertising (although she is also skeptical if the ad isn’t cute and geared toward selling to a ten-year-old), and generally thinks all the television that was left on at all hours of the day was entertaining.

I don’t know if I did her any favors keeping this shit from her if seeing it makes it so palatable.  Yet I still would not change that most of her life has not been spent in front of the idiot box.  The first couple of weeks after she came home she kept claiming she was “bored” and wanting me to entertain her.  Then she slipped back into her home routine and started knitting and creating plays for her stuffed animals and reading, doing all those things with her mind she did not do when she had an idiot box to stare at.

It blows my mind that parents find the thing “educational” and “interactive.”  It might present some content or ask questions the child answers, but the child is still sitting there on her butt, being told or asked by flashing movements, more loud and ugly these days.  The child is not out making the discovery on her own, thinking and creating, truly interacting.

Milla proved to us her ability to create and design and think on her own, using her own mind.  She planned and executed an amazing dog wedding between our dog and the neighbor dog, Luke.  She designed and sewed Ava’s gown and veil.  She made a marriage certificate with a shiny, glittery, yellow seal.  There was a guest list for us all to sign. She wrote the vows and planned the ceremony.  She chose the music for all aspects of the ceremony, including the processional, after the vows, the first dances, and the reception.  She designed decorations and hung them in the yard, Ava and Luke Tie the Knot.  All of it was thorough and amazing.  She’s ten.  This is what she does instead of staring at the television.

I was thinking about all of this this morning.  There was an ad on Dan’s computer before something he was watching on Huffington Post.  Milla saw it and said it was a funny commercial.  She had seen it at her dad’s.  She told us the premise.  To me it sounded so damn stupid and ridiculous, nothing funny at all, and I felt sad that she found this shit she had seen on the idiot box amusing.  However I long ago realized that her life is hers to live, not mine to control.  I can provide certain influences, but so do so many other things and ultimately she will make her own choices.  I can only hope that the influences I’ve provided help her to be a functional, healthy, and happy adult.  That’s the thing about parenting, if we do our jobs, this is exactly how it should be.