There is a line in the film Bridget Jones’s Diary where she is talking to Mark. She says to him, “You seem to go out of your way to make me feel like a complete idiot every time I see you and you REALLY needn’t bother. I already feel like an idiot most of the time anyway.”
I feel like I am that line. It is me. I feel like an idiot most of the time anyway, so when I do something that seems to make this more self-evident, it just seems all the more obvious. Spring break begins after school today. I thought school ended at its usual time of 3. I was pleased with myself for remembering there is no aftercare today. I started my day and have been progressing towards that 3 o’clock pickup time. At 12:49, Milla’s teacher called and asked if I knew school ended at 12:30. Nope. Missed that memo. It was probably right there in the email telling me there would be no aftercare today, but I missed that part.
Nowhere in my abilities as a human do I feel like an idiot most of the time anyway than as a mom. I feel like I’m constantly falling short. I know other moms who are unbelievably busy, yet they seem to get things lined up and done. Why can’t I? Each time I take a misstep, I resolve to try harder. I make better lists. I go out of my way to make lunch the night before so we aren’t late in the morning. I drag my ass out of bed to drag Milla’s ass out of bed. I help her choose outfits and lay them out. Yet again and again and again I keep missing things.
I just have to wonder if this is always how it’s going to be.