There is a line in the film Bridget Jones’s Diary where she is talking to Mark.  She says to him, “You seem to go out of your way to make me feel like a complete idiot every time I see you and you REALLY needn’t bother.  I already feel like an idiot most of the time anyway.”

I feel like I am that line.  It is me.  I feel like an idiot most of the time anyway, so when I do something that seems to make this more self-evident, it just seems all the more obvious.  Spring break begins after school today.  I thought school ended at its usual time of 3.  I was pleased with myself for remembering there is no aftercare today.  I started my day and have been progressing towards that 3 o’clock pickup time.  At 12:49, Milla’s teacher called and asked if I knew school ended at 12:30.  Nope.  Missed that memo.  It was probably right there in the email telling me there would be no aftercare today, but I missed that part.

Nowhere in my abilities as a human do I feel like an idiot most of the time anyway than as a mom.  I feel like I’m constantly falling short.  I know other moms who are unbelievably busy, yet they seem to get things lined up and done.  Why can’t I?  Each time I take a misstep, I resolve to try harder.  I make better lists.  I go out of my way to make lunch the night before so we aren’t late in the morning.  I drag my ass out of bed to drag Milla’s ass out of bed.  I help her choose outfits and lay them out.  Yet again and again and again I keep missing things.

I just have to wonder if this is always how it’s going to be.