Multidimensional and Pining

I remind myself of the Laura Linney character in Love Actually. Except not at work. Just her pining. I am oh so boringly pining.

Sometimes my job doesn’t offer all the answers. I don’t like this. I want to be able to help. I get it that it’s not possible to help everyone all the time, but my poor bleeding heart wants to and is disappointed when it can’t.

I don’t want to live in this flat world. I want to live in a multidimensional soft world. I want to go live in a small space among growing things and make the world a better place. I do not want to run and run and run and realize I have gone nowhere. I do not want to wake up on my deathbed and realize it is all gone. How to be present in a world that longs to flatten us?

One thought on “Multidimensional and Pining

  1. You are not boring Lara. On the contrary, you are complex and multi-faceted.

    You are however, just plain exhausted. You take on so much Lara, and you have only yourself to rely on. Single mother of two girls. Last four years spent raising a beautiful child from an infant all by yourself. Only just stopped nursing. Little support from Isabel’s father, and when involved, he can be more trouble than he’s worth. Managing your own business without any help. No benefits. Relying on the State for health insurance. Homeowner. I never did ask if you are saving for retirement. It’s amazing you can keep it all together and manage it all so well like you do.

    You have so much to offer. There is a light inside of you that’s just waiting to shine forth, but your responsibilities keep you so occupied. I hate seeing you (well, reading you) like this; I know the world would be a better place if you could contribute everything you have to offer. We need more like you. And you would be so happy if you were free to give. I hope it all comes together for you someday Lara.

    Things are good for me, I have met someone new and am very happy with her.

    I wish you all the best, and if you don’t mind, I will continue to read your postings, and think of you fondly, and send you my positive thoughts and energy whenever I can. Oh, and thanks for the article you sent me. I read it twice.


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