I think one of the hardest things to do is to accept, really accept another person as they are and not as we wish them to be. It’s also hard when you realize that people have an idea of who you are that is not based on reality, but based on their own skewed perspective of the world. I’ve experienced both ends of this spectrum this week.  Earlier in the week, I called my mom about something. I don’t even remember what it was now. It’s not important. She was helping to plan my niece’s wedding, a marriage I can’t see as anything except ill-fated. There are so many things wrong with the situation, it’s sad. However, my mom and sister are thrilled to death. They’re planning this big event and are genuinely pleased. I realized that my wish that either of them could see this for what it is and not as they wish it to be is no different than their seeing it as they do. We are all living in our illusions.

I am also continually surprised to find myself in situations where how I am perceived and the actions of people towards me based on these perceptions  is at complete odds with who I really am. I don’t even have to do anything that gives them their ideas; it’s based entirely on their own dysfunction. This is especially difficult when you deal with people who believe the world and others in it have the same agenda that they have, and their agenda is devious. More than once with this particular family I have been shocked at their expectation that I would act deviously and their treatment of me accordingly. I know I’m being vague, but unlike them, I’m not the sort to splash this shit on the internet for the world to see. If I did that, I could not count myself as having more integrity than they do. I don’t want to sink to their level. I’m finally really understanding what that phrase means.