Month: November 2013

by

Ibuprofen is My New Best Friend

Ambivalence is not always a useful thing.

That’s an aside. Here’s the real story:

My oldest daughter is in Arizona visiting her dad. This can make running difficult because I also have a 4 year old. Usually I leave the 4 year old home with her sister while I run. But sister isn’t here, so if the 4 year old is not interested in going running with me in the jogging stroller, I don’t get to run. Yesterday, my 4 year old did not want to run with Mama, so I decided to do some of my strength training exercises instead. I went through the routine, then felt really pumped up and wanted to do more, so what did I choose? Squats. I used to do a lot of squats every other day. Then my dog died and the whole routine went out the window (and running too, for a bit there). Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is that yesterday I decided to do squats.

Did I mention that when I do strength training I use a Tabata timer so I can do more? What’s a Tabata timer you say? It’s this handy device that measures time increments. 20 seconds on, 10 seconds off, for a total of 8 intervals. The idea is that you work out really hard and fast during the 20 second interval, then rest 10 seconds, then another 20 second workout, then another rest, and on and on until the 8 are done. Doing this increases the overall total of really hard and fast exercise. It works great. I can knock out 100 situps in 4 minutes, as opposed to about 70 in that same amount of time without rests.

So…back to yesterday. I got the genius idea to add squats back in using the Tabata timer. I was pumped up. I was ready to go. It’s only been 3 months since I did some. What could a few squats hurt? I did at least 120 of them. I was doing 15 a set and felt great. A little wobbly at the end, but great.

I forgot something when I did this. I forgot that I was going to jump a horse over a fence today. When I got up this morning and felt my thighs give a little shriek, I wondered how this would go because riding horses over fences requires a bit of thigh work. Let’s just say I did not plan well in this. I should have thought things through and not been so caught up in the gungho minute. I should have realized the impact my actions would have on my overall body. I should have considered the feelings of my thighs. I did not do this, and here we are now, 8 hours later, and  my thighs are quite upset with me.  They are not allowing me to make simple movements, like sitting. They are telling me that I am a mean person and that what I did was cruel. I agree with them. I will never do this to them again. I promise.

I am going to take some Ibuprofen now. In the various classes of NSAIDs, Ibuprofen works best for me. For some it’s Aspirin, for others Naproxen. For me, Ibuprofen. I will be taking it and hopefully tomorrow my thighs will have forgiven me. I can certainly hope.

by

Pointless Commentary of the Morning

It will become apparent by the end of the day who had to go cook a dinner and run around all over the place and who got to relax and waste time online. I think this is hilarious. I can tell already who is busy and who is wasting time by the Facebook. I’ve posted more on the Facebook in the last 3 hours than in the last 3 weeks. Last year I declared I was done with the Facebook and actually managed to stay off for months and months. Then I “just checked,” and then did it again, and then again, and here I am, not nearly so prolific in my sharing of political and social perspectives, but still there. I’m such a cliche’. C’est la vie.

The other evidence of my lack of any real TG work are the posts on here. See? I get time, I write nonsense. I also gave Isabel a bath slowly, and dressed her, and combed her hair, and fed her breakfast, and we did it all so slowly and with ease. I love this. Many mornings it’s rush, rush, here, put this on! Handing Isabel cereal to eat in the car, urging Milla to wear something warmer as we rush out the door. It’s either that or get up earlier, and god forbid we do that. I wonder why this day is any different. Maybe because there isn’t anywhere open so we couldn’t do anything “productive” anyway.

I’m quite excited that a whole bunch of new movies are out that I actually want to see. For weeks its been Thor, and Homefront, and Jackass Bad Grampa, and no plot, blowing up apocalypse or no character development teen zombie movies. These films make me want to run screaming into the night. And my favorite theater has had one movie there for FIVE MONTHS. They finally gave it one tiny time slot at the end of the day and opened things up to other fare. Thank goodness! I love movies too much. So much a lover of stories. Where does it get me? Occupying my head for a couple of hours. (Finish the screenplay, stupid! Jeez.)

I actually have been invited to dinner with friends at their friend’s. This is exactly what I have wanted to do for years, and I’m grateful for the opportunity.

Time to go do situps and feel my abs scream in pain and torture. This is like an extra long, self-absorbed Facebook post. It’s all about me. Gads, self absorption makes me cringe. Oh well. I’m posting it anyway.

My little girl just climbed in my lap and is hugging me. This really is a great morning.

by

Thanksgiving Sonnet

It’s my annual posting of the sonnet I wrote in college about turkey murder on our holiday.  I’ve gone back and tried again and again to get the exact syllabic format for a completely proper sonnet, but could not find words to replace those here that would maintain the imagery and metaphoric content that I want, so it stays the same.

Thanksgiving Sonnet
Turgid turkeys, strained into rickety wooden coffins, exit four-by-four from a ten-ton hearse. Into the turkey mill: mutilation, holocaust.

Perspiring hormones, Tom Turkey stares with one sad eye at a crumbling chimney tower belching death in putrid smoke, blackening holiday skies. Annihilating light.

Bodies, bones. None remain unfrozen. With elaborate precision he’s taken apart; neck, gizzards tied in a bag between his ribs, head ground neatly into pink hot dog slabs.

Holiday skies are crowded with turkey souls, ascending to heaven like deflated balloons.

by

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I want a Simplex, copper bottom, made-in-England, made for electric stove tea kettle for Christmas.

That’s all.

Thank you.

Lara

by

Dear New Seasons

Dear Mr. Deli Man at New Seasons:  I know it’s late and the time changed, so it feels later in your body than it really is, but could you please be a little more attentive and properly put the chicken in the plastic bag rather than getting only its hindquarters in, thereby leaving the remaining chicken in the paper bag that isn’t designed to hold a greasy glob of cooked meat? Thank you.

Dear New Seasons:  Thank you very much for installing toilet tissue holders that actually turn easily when one pulls tissue off them. I can’t tell you how much this thrills me. So many stores are stingy and obnoxious with their tissue. It’s a real drag to have to pull one square, have the roller catch so the square tears off, then the roller rolls backwards so that the edge that just tore is in the back, leaving you to then scratch and pull to get that edge to the front, only to repeat the process 10 times in order to get enough tissue to do your business. I don’t want to wipe with my fingertips; that’s nasty. New Seasons, your generous tissue holders make me grateful to you every time I’m forced to use them. Thank you.

Dear Carrot Buyer at New Seasons:  Are you a new employee? Are you a particularly gargantuan human? I have to ask because the carrots you’ve chosen this week are enormous! I could have used one for a bat. Maybe you aren’t actually large, but a sports fanatic, and you would just LOVE it if someone used one of your ginormous carrots and a potato to start an impromptu game of baseball right there in the produce section. I could see it! Thank you though. I only needed to buy two of the things to make my soup, which is easier to carry without a bag than more carrots would have been. I don’t like getting bags in the produce section. They’re plastic and not good for the environment or wild animals, so I definitely prefer skipping the bag. The giant carrots made this more possible.

Dear New Seasons Stuffed Animal Pricer:  I get it that stuffed animals at the grocery store are a pure profit item for you. Who buys stuffed animals at the grocery store anyway (people who forget to buy gifts for small children at a regular store and are up against a deadline possibly?). What I would like to know though, is why you have to charge so danged much for them. Maybe you know purchasers of stuffies at the grocery store are in a last minute kind of thing position, and you are therefore taking advantage of our having not planned better. I would like to suggest you don’t take advantage of us. We’re already feeling precarious, having waited until the last minute and all. Maybe you could lower the price just a teensy, weensy bit? Please? For me? Thank you.

Dear New Seasons:  I would like to suggest that if you run out of whole cooked chickens in your deli section that you allow those of us who wanted one to purchase a whole uncooked chicken for the same price. The reason I make this suggestion is that, surprisingly enough, chickens from New Seasons that are uncooked cost MORE than chickens that have been slow-roasted in that cool turning thingamajig that leaves the meat falling off the bone. The cooked ones are way easier for us buyers, which seems to me to make them a premium item. Raw chickens are way more work. Shouldn’t the higher premium chickens cost more? Or at least the same? But they don’t. And some of your delis are not hip to the cooked chicken demand. The location by my house is AWESOME. They rarely run out of cooked chickens. The one by my old house, not so awesome. They ran out all the time and never seemed stocked like the one by my house now. But either way, making the raw chickens the same price would be oh, so very helpful. Thank you.

Dear New Seasons:  I checked out the Green Zebra. It’s so dang small, you can’t pass another shopping cart when you’re pushing one. And pricey! I’ll keep going to you, so whew!, right?

Dear New Seasons:  I am a loyal customer. New Seasons is always my first choice for food from a grocery store. I have to confess though, that I’m going to be stepping out at another store in the future because they have local, organic fuji apples for half the price of yours. They also have organic, steel-cut oats for a dollar a pound less. On many items, you’re actually cheaper than a lot of the stores people think are cheaper, like Fred Meyer. Fred Meyer is a joke. So is Albertson’s, and Thriftway, and Safeway. I hate all these stores. They are over-priced and have way too much processed and non-organic crap. Plus, they’re REALLY expensive. Arborio Rice at these stores, same brand, same size, costs over $2.00 more a container than the same arborio rice at New Seasons. And they can’t even compare when it comes to produce and meat products. But New Seasons, Sheridan Fruit Company has you beat on a lot of things, and I’m just going to have to buy there more often. I’m sorry.

Dear New Seasons:  You sell Gin Gins, my all-time favorite treat, for $3.99 for 3 ounces. This works out to be $15.96 per pound. I was able to locate Gin Gins on the internet in bulk:  Eleven pounds for $62.00, and shipping is free! Don’t ask me why the sell lots of eleven pounds instead of some more round number like say, ten, but that’s how they sell them. That works out to be $5.64 per pound. Even when you had them on sale at 3 ounces for $2.50, they were still $10 per pound. The bulk price is better, so I bought eleven pounds of the things. I admit it. That bag should last a while. Sorry, New Seasons. stepping out on you for the Gin Gins too.

Dear New Seasons:  Final letter of the night, I promise. I just wanted to say that I love going to your store. Everyone is always nice, even when they’re putting the chicken halfway in the plastic bag. All the workers seem not to mind being at work. The customers even seem happy. You help the local food scene. You buy meats that came from humanely raised critters. You’re a bit overpriced on some things (like fuji apples), but I can deal with that. Sometimes when I’m feeling down, I’ll go to a New Seasons just to get a pick me up. I like you, just the way you are. Too bad you’re not a man because I’d date you in a minute.