This man I know told me he could not kiss me because I am bacterial (A cold, you know. It may be viral but I’m beginning to suspect bacteria may be the culprit.) He sent me this message on yahoo messenger, then he disappeared. He wasn’t there!

I asked, Did you go away? He did not answer.

I realized then that he had been officially stolen by aliens. They grasped him by his collar and YANKED him into the spaceship in one deft lift. Off! He’s gone. “Good bye!” I cried. “We will miss you! We will have a funeral for you with an empty coffin.”

But then I thought perhaps he would return to us someday, anally probed and brain laced with bits of metal and ice. But that would be okay. We would still be glad to have him home. “Look everyone!” I would cry. “He’s home! Don’t mind the drool. Here. I’ll just wipe it with a little towel.” And just imagine, the drool is bacteria free because he did not kiss me! I tell him that I wish him well as he sits drooling. I hope his brain and bottom aren’t too sore from his trip to the aliens.

Don’t you love how the story came full circle? A kiss that did not happen, a death, a rebirth, and back to kissing. It’s the circle of life, you know.

I truly enjoy sitting here and typing to no one. The imagination runs wild. Don’t remind me what a pitiful imagination it is.