Piper Killed the Snooze Alarm Button

010.jpg61,872 new posts today!  I’m going to hurry and post this before writing more and see if it goes up to 61,873.  No!  It didn’t!  Bummer.  I actually thought it would flip ahead like 8000 or something.  But no.  Neither.

My daughter woke up early this morning.  Fidget. Fidget.  Then that woke up Piper. Piper is an I’m AWAKE now! sort of dog.  I don’t want to suffer through four snoozes on the alarm.  The alarm went off.  It’s time to get up.  Feed me NOW!  He jumps off the bed with his short little legs and starts to whimper.  And whimper.  And whimper.  And whimper.  And whimper.  And…Piper!  Shut UP!  That only makes it worse because he then knows you are awake and only faking it.  I’ve tried just picking him back up and putting him back in bed, but then he plods around on it trying to get comfy but he can’t because he’s hungry (at least that’s what I think is going on) and possibly because his legs are so short that walking on the bed for him is like crossing rough terrain for us, so he jumps off the bed again and the whole thing starts over.  Somewhere in the middle of all this the alarm goes off again making it all a moot point.  Yes, Piper killed the snooze alarm button.  That sounds like a cool title for a song.  Piper killed the snooze alarm button (gettin’ jiggy wit it in my chair).

So this morning, Piper didn’t kill the snooze alarm button because it is Saturday and the alarm was not on.  HOWEVER, this did not stop Milla from wakening early and starting to fidget which woke Piper up.  I’m lying there trying very hard not to move and acknowledge to either of them that I am awake.  Unfortunately, Milla is the sort that thinks that if she is awake, everyone else must be awake too.  She’s not loud about it.  She tries to be sweet, I recognize this.  Only it’s SATURDAY and there is NO ALARM so can we please lie there blissfully for a little time anyway?

No.  No, we can’t.  Because Milla is awake and Piper is awake.  Mama, I have to go potty.   Really bad.  I feel like my bladder is going to explode.  Okay, well.  So go then.  But it’s so full. Well, then go pee.  But I want you to come with me.  Milla, I do not want to come with you.  If I get up, then I will have to pee too and then I’ll be awake and I don’t want to be awake yet.

Whimper.

Uh oh.  There goes Piper.  Our voices got him started.  Uh oh, Milla. Now you did it.  Now you’re going to have to take Piper potty too and give him food and water or he won’t stop.  I know this.  So then we went back and forth and back and forth, Milla telling me she had to go potty, me telling her go ahead and get it done, and Piper whimpering. Then me telling Milla to feed the dog too and Milla telling me no and me telling Milla since she woke up Piper she gets to deal with Piper.

Finally, finally Milla’s bladder couldn’t stand it any longer so she got up and went pee.  Piper followed her.  She came back to bed.   Piper followed her.  She did not feed or water him.  Piper grew much more insistent.  I mean, that little girl was up.  She was OUT of bed.  She even walked into the room where the food dishes are, and she didn’t feed me?  What the hell is up with that?  Hey, who can blame him?  I would have been annoyed too.  So I pointed out that Milla not feeding and watering Piper was cruelty and that the devil would dance on her bones for starving a poor, defenseless little dog, and how could she be so cruel?  Piper in the meantime has not stopped whimpering.  In fact, his plaintive little noises could be characterized as whining now.  Full blown whining.  And Edna and Molly heard the words “puppy chow” so they are up too, Edna shaking and making her tags rattle and Molly dancing around like it’s a party in 1999.

Blissful, comfortable, drifty Saturday morning?  Nah.  I don’t think so.

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