I Can’t Do This

Evening arrives and I have the time to write, but all the words fly away. They have been bumping the walls inside my skull all day, but now my energy is sapped and I can’t think of anything.

If a male reads this and isn’t interested, so sorry, but women might understand. My breasts have been looking so large lately. I thought it was the nursing. I haven’t liked it. I do not like to look large chested as it makes me look large trunked, and I don’t want to look large trunked. So today I went to the store and tried on a smaller bra because my bras have been looking too large as well. I thought perhaps I would buy one. I have four decent bras, two in black and two in nude. Enough to have one to wear while the other is being washed in each color. However all of my bras are the same style and from the same store. (If I like underwear, whether it is socks, panties, or bras, I get enough of it to wear if I like a certain style.) The one thing I don’t like about the bras I have been wearing is that the designers covered the straps with fabric and the fabric twists, making the strap dig into my shoulders. It makes me nuts. I have to take off the bra and fidget with the strap to make the fabric lie flat. It’s not ideal. It’s a middle class complaint. I get it.

In any case, I tried on a new bra, one with normal straps. It was a size smaller than I have been wearing. VoilĂ ! I had a smaller chest. I suddenly didn’t look so large up top. It was the ginormous bras. I ended up buying four. The store was having a buy 3 get 1 free sale, so it works. I like having my chest appear smaller again.

I think I might change my name to Lila. I hate the name Lara, but haven’t been able to think of a new name I like. I have to keep Gardner because it is Isabel’s last name, but I could change the first name. Lila is close to Lara, but better. I’m not sure. I will think about it.

I can’t write. I’m too tired. I’m going to go running and go to sleep.

2 thoughts on “I Can’t Do This

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